


Anything You Can Do

by beeftony



Category: The Batman (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 23:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeftony/pseuds/beeftony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little competition never hurt anybody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything You Can Do

"And another one bites the dust," Batgirl commented as she sent yet another of Joker's henchmen to the floor of the abandoned warehouse that the clown had been using as his latest impromptu headquarters. "I believe that makes ten for me."

She glanced over to see Robin squaring off with another henchman, striking his staff into the ground and using it as a lever to pole-vault into his opponent's chest, sending him across the room. He smirked. "Nine. I'm catching up to you."

"In your dreams, bird boy," she mocked, not even turning around as she flipped another clown-themed henchman over her head, bringing her count to eleven. Joker had an unusually large supply of disposable goons this time around, so she and Robin had decided to have a contest to see who could fell the most. So far she was winning.

The Boy Wonder's only response to this was to hop backward as two more of Joker's lackeys came charging at him from opposite directions. He grabbed the backs of each of their heads and slammed them together, then raised his legs up and leapfrogged over the pair, flipping once as he drove his feet hard into the face of a third goon.

Okay, now she wasn't winning anymore.

"Looks like my dreams are coming true," he boasted as he effortlessly ducked another punch. "Now lets see if I can get these mooks to turn into supermodels."

"Please don't," she responded, sweeping the nearest henchman off his feet before flipping over another and driving her boots into his back so that he toppled and slammed hard into the first just as he was trying to get up. Still in the air, she grabbed a third goon by his shoulders and swung around, planting her feet on the ground and using the momentum she'd built up to hurl him into the nearest wall.

"Try and match _that_!" she challenged, only to see that while she had been busy with those three, Robin had sent two more to the ground, leaving them tied at fourteen apiece.

"One left," he announced as they both set their sights on the one remaining mook, who by this time was practically wetting himself.

"Mine!" they shouted simultaneously before sprinting at the goon who had been reduced to a mere tie-breaker. He barely had time to whimper before two boots impacted his face, sending him to the floor several feet away.

"Oooow..." he moaned.

"I got to him _first_!" claimed Robin, thrusting a thumb toward his chest.

Batgirl rolled her eyes under her mask. "Oh please, you were half a second behind me. Victory once again goes to _moi_."

"Nuh-uh! What would _you_ know about timing?"

"Well for one thing I'm the only actual athlete out of the two of us."

"Yeah, but if you're half a second off on a trapeze act it could mean the difference between life and death. I'd know if I hit him after you."

"You wouldn't know your own ass if you bent over to sniff it," she retorted rather crudely.

"My, my, someone's got a potty-mouth," a voice from above interrupted, and they put their quarrel on hold for a moment to glare at Joker, who was watching them from the catwalk about fifteen feet up. "Do you kiss your mother with it?"

"No, but I got in a pretty good night with yours," Robin cut in, even though the question hadn't been directed at him. He could never resist a setup for one of those jokes.

A normal person would have reacted with umbrage to such a statement, but Joker was most definitely _not_ normal. "Oh, that's so good to hear," he responded, clutching his hands together and raising them next to his face. "Her social life has been so _dead_ lately."

Batgirl stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Ugh, thank you very much for _those_ mental images." She shook her head in an effort to clear it. "Ready to give up, Joker?"

The clown let out a wild cackle, producing a remote from somewhere in that ostentatious outfit of his. " _Hardly_ ," he retorted. His finger hovered over the button. "While you were busy dealing with my henchmen, I put the finishing touches on my device. In a few moments all of Gotham's shipping district will be buried under a cloud of Joker Toxin!"

Without wasting another moment, he donned a gas mask and pressed the button, then waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

After about ten seconds of waiting, he turned to glare at the device like it had betrayed him. "What on Earth...?" he muttered, shaking the remote a few times before mashing down on the button. "I could have sworn all the fuses were in place..."

"Looking for these?" a voice called out of the shadows just before a pile of wires fell from the ceiling and clattered on the catwalk. Joker looked up to find whoever had dropped them, then widened his eyes in horror as a dark form plunged from the rafters and landed on top of him.

"Oooooh..." the clown moaned before losing consciousness.

"Good work, you two," Batman congratulated them as he pulled out a pair of handcuffs and put them around Joker's wrists.

"Thanks," Batgirl replied. "Say, did you happen to see which of us got in the last hit there?"

The Dark Knight raised an eyebrow under his mask.

"It's kind of important," she urged.

"Robin," he declared after a moment.

"Ha ha, yes!" The Batman's official sidekick shouted in celebration as he thrust his fists into the air. "In your _face_!"

Batgirl scoffed. "That is so not fair! I'll bet you didn't even see!"

"I didn't," he confessed.

"Well then why did you say _he_ won?"

"You asked."

She growled and pulled her arms to her sides in frustration. "This is _so_ favoritism, you know!"

"You're just mad 'cause you lost," Robin mocked. "Too late: the Bat has spoken."

Batman just stared at them with his perpetually neutral expression. "If you're _quite_ finished," he began, "I could use your help restraining the rest of Joker's henchmen until the police arrive."

"Aye-aye, Cap'n," she replied with a salute, then produced a set of cuffs. "But I only have the one pair of handcuffs."

Reaching into his utility belt, he pulled out exactly twenty-nine restraining devices and tossed them at her feet.

"Just get started."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, then flashed a grin at her partner. "Bet I can get 'em all cuffed before you can."

Robin smirked. "You're on."

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a longer story, but it never got off the ground and this is the only part I still like from it, so it's what I'm posting.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
